Revolutionary ideas to deal with the fiscal cliff

Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Christmas are upon us, but instead of joyous atmosphere, Americans are faced with an infamous fiscal cliff.  How steep is the fiscal cliff?  About.com explains the fiscal cliff in a short and sweet manner.  Read on, if you dare!

Even though the media blankets us with the daily serving of panic-ridden fiscal cliff news, the citizens outrage is not visible.  How do we make the American people to care more about the cliff?

Public relations and proper advertisement are the key, hence the top 8 list of the fiscal cliff substitute names:

8. Pistol Biff - Do you feel lucky? Lets knock off that tax rate already.
7. Fiasco Tiff - Can't we just get along?  No, we can't.
6. Dismal Whiff - Do you smell those disappearing tax cuts?
5. Facial Ziff - Shave off some of that spending before it gets hairy.
4. Distal Riff - Hands off approach to taxes, over and over again.
3. Crystal Reef - Clear view of the mounting debt problems.
2. Frontal sniff - Yes, it's definitely a rotten tax increase deal.
1. Fiscal Queef - Budget agreement?  It's all in the air.

Another idea is to push the Clifford aka Cliff to the top of the newborn names rankings.  For the last couple of years, Cliff has been doing poorly.  See the stats.  Using the fluffy, Clifford the Big Red Dog, to ease the name shock among the populous, did not work out too well.  Kids love the name; adults, not so much.

Stats by ssa.gov

It doesn't matter which side has better ideas to avoid the fiscal cliff.  On January 1st, 2012, all Americans will have less money in their pockets.  And that's that.

NASA had spoken - no end of the World in 2012

To put everyone at ease, NASA released a video to let us know that there will be no end of the World on December 21st, 2012.  In short, Mayan calendar just resets and the party goes on.  There.

If you want to track same asteroids, visit NASA's asteroid watch website.

Powerball lottery jackpot up to $550 million

Here we go again.  Another giant jackpot coming my way, this time it’s Powerball.  The latest estimates put the jackpot at about $550 million.  What will I do with my winnings?  I’ve posted my list here, after the Mega Millions hit its record at the time.

Forbes magazine published the 11 biggest lottery winners list.  The stories are great.

I find Twitter to have the best lines when it comes to a public frenzy over pretty much anything. Check out the hashtags #powerball and #lottery.  My selections are below.

Uber Nibbler ‏@UberNibbler
Building an orphanage in my home town after I collect my #powerball #lottery winnings. Yes, it’s like that.
Hannah Johnson ‏@hannahLjohnson
My dad told me that he hopes I win the lottery so I can pave his driveway.. #hahahah #onlymydad #lottery
Justin Zukowski ‏@JZ_HOVA
Were all gonna wake up and drag our broke asses to school and work tomorrow #lottery #dreams
Amy Freeze ‏@AmyFreeze
Who’s Playing? Or Maybe Who Isn’t? Powerball is selling at an average rate of 105,000 tickets per minute. #Lottery #JackPot
Social Studs ‏@socialstuds
The odds of winning Powerball are 1 in 175,223,510. The odds of being in a history rock band are 1 in 180,243,098. I like my odds. #lottery
John Orosz ‏@iGottaUseDaJOHN
To who ever is playing the lottery tonight…May the odds be ever in your favor!!:) #lottery #TheHungerGames
Judy Baar Topinka ‏@JudyBaarTopinka
In order to pay off its debt, #Illinois would have to win the #powerball 198 times! #SGP #ILisBroke

Paula Broadwell’s top 10 list of new bestsellers after Petraeus resigns

The best political thriller and Harlequin authors could not come up with this scenario.  One of the highest intelligence officers of the land, CIA Director David H. Petraeus, resigned from his post because of the extramarital affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell.  The relationship was exposed by FBI, alerted by a possible contender, Jill Kelley, after she was threatened by Broadwell.

The story gets better.  Top military commander in Afghanistan, General John Allen, is not under scrutiny for horny emails exchanged with Jill Kelley.  Between 20,000 and 30,000 of them!  Americans want their money back.

Wait, wait.  One of the FBI agents conducting the investigation is now suspended for emailing his shirtless pictures to Jill Kelley.  What a relief.  No boner exchange.  Obviously, Anthony Weiner is missing on some hot, textile-less action here.

The top 10 list of Paula Broadwell’s new bestsellers of 2012

• 10. “Pearl Hambone”
• 9. “Tank tops and turrets”
• 8. “Foreskin-star general: David H. Petraeus”
• 7. “Is this bayonet in your pocket?”
• 6. “Balls Deep”
• 5. “Short barrel howitzer”
• 4. “Fire is the glory hole!”
• 3. “Kneel and gimme 50″
• 2. “Don’t shoot! I’m coming!”
• 1. “History of a hummer”

Christina Pazsitzky performs at Chicago Improv

Christina Pazsitzky was the headliner of the Chicago Improv tonight.  She's known from the Chelsea Lately show. 

Before Christina, the featured comic, Chicago native Brian Aldridge, delivered an outstanding performance.  You can check out his website here.  His style reminded me of Daniel Tosh, bar the megaton of vulgarities.
 
Right from the start, Pazsitzky tried to shock when she exposed her belly displaying the results of wine and mozzarella sticks diet from her recent tour.  Yes, it was funny. 

I think the story about her Hindu stepfather taking a number two standing up on the toilet was true given a fact that  toilets in India are just squatting holes.  Yes, you can learn about important cultural differences at the comedy club.

The closer, however, was the best.  Pazsitzky actually invited a young couple on the stage in order to make fun of a guy and ask him to perform a fake proposal.  But wait, that wasn't a joke.  The guy actually took a knee and proposed to his girlfriend with a ring.  She couldn't believe it, but she said yes.  Yes, the guy expected some action tonight.  Naturally. 

Election 2012: Who do you side with?

My friends just sent me this great quiz from isidewith.com to check on your political and social views.  The quiz is interesting and results may surprise you.  

Who knew: I found out that Gary Johnson is my guy.

Alonzo Bodden at the Chicago Improv

Last Friday, Chicago Improv comedy club hosted Alonzo Bodden, the third season winner of the Last Comic Standing.  First of all, the guy is tall.  6' 4" to be exact. 

Check out the video on The Kevin Nealon Show when Bodden talks about Google.  Yes, he was still in the process of writing that piece.  And why is Kevin Nealon uncomfortable in his little director's chair? 

About half way through the gig, some girl from the first row decided that some of the jokes were too much, and she asked Bodden to take a notch or two down.  I haven't seen that before at the comedy club.  Yes, the disapproving reaction of the crowd happens but a single person?  Anyone else had seen that? 

I have to admit, Bodden handled that criticism skillfully.  The girl was happy, and the comic could move on to the sport jokes.  Crown just went along with the jokes and laughs. 

Although, I prefer a more physical stand-up, he's material was decent.  Add a glass of wine, plate of hummus, and gorgeous date, and my evening was complete.